Ageing and Love

Inexplicably buried in the calendar is a date with an expectation for romance, gifting and fine dining. It is easy to be overwhelmed by commercialisation but at the heart of it is something important.

One of the good things about ageing is that there is a decreasing number of times we have to endure Hallmark moments – fewer father’s days, half as many Halloweens and vanishing numbers of Valentines. This may sound grinchy but there is something quite depressing about enforced enjoyment. Coupled with the grim commercialisation of these dates; the pressure to buy rubbish that goes straight from the factory in China to the bin in Britain. Don’t get me started on dressing up; the absolute state of Christmas jumper day – no they aren’t funny, they are just naff. And as for the trauma of world book day, yes my children are no longer cute angels, but at least I no longer have to spend the night before desperately throwing clothes together and trying to persuade them that yes Harry Potter definitely wore this. As an aside, has anyone ever been convinced to read more books because they got to dress up as Spiderman? My guess is that people who enjoy reading are not necessarily people who enjoy fancy dress.

Ah, it felt good to get that off my chest. And it’s easy to be cynical. Cynicism being an attribute that matures with age like fine wine – or alternatively begins to stink like old cheese. And until the last year I genuinely couldn’t see a point to many of these occasions. In writing my book Live Forever? A Curious Scientist’s Guide to Wellness, Ageing and Death I investigated various ways we could extend our lives. Most of them didn’t work, some were not surprising (don’t drink, don’t smoke, do exercise, eat healthily), but one was surprising (and reassuring). Social connectivity is good for us. So finding ways to come together with other people is a health hack.

So instead of dreading the various set pieces throughout the year, see them as a chance to connect. And focus on the aspects that matter to you. For some people, fancy dress is a wonderful way to demonstrate their creativity and shared interests (admittedly not me, I would rather die alone than cosplay). For others preparing lavish meals, carefully sourcing each person’s favourite treat; or choosing gifts that perfectly match the person. These love languages are important, but central to the possible health benefits are time together and connectivity. Sometimes this can get lost when the focus is on buying rather than doing. But let’s claim them back, and this year’s Valentine’s day, Mothers day, Easter, Halloween etc do more of what you like with people you love.

 I am slowly migrating content onto substack.

So if you have been following me there please follow me https://substack.com/@professortregoning